retarded questions

lately i heard someone said "that's a retarded question".
i didn't know the meaning so i went to look for it. i was amazed on how she picked the word.
retarded is actually a substitution for stupid or silly or unimportant.

so, what question can be generated as retarded question?
that person answering a question "do you love your ****** more than ever? by saying "that's a retarded question".
if it is so...
then i've been involved in so many ways for retarded question.
i should say that those questions although only some of them are sometimes very much annoying.
but i never able to manage myself answering the question by saying "that's a retarded question"
instead, i answer them as i please, or at least polite enough for the person giving me question :)

here are some retarded questions that i usually get:

1. where's your husband?
2. when's he going to go home?
3. how long your husband be working overseas?
4. are you pregnant yet?
5. why don't you get pregnant?
6. do you decide to postpone your pregnancy?
(wish i could answer them by saying 'that's a retarded question)

perhaps the person asking me those question do not realize how annoying they are to me.

about my husband, sometimes i don't even know exactly where he is (in japan, korea, china, taiwan, or else) i also wonder myself about where he is, is he okay, when is he going to get home, how long should i wait for him, how many days should i live without him, how many second should ticking waiting for him. i'm suffering myself even without no body asking me those retarded question.

and as if those questions are not enough, when i answer them by saying i don't know or i'm not sure. the 'person' will ask another question in terms of amazed or disgrace "how come? you should know where or when or how about your husband. it sounds weird when you said i don't know." (o yeah.... please tell me something i don't know, Mr./Mrs. smart*** )

and about the pregnancy.
i've had enough of it!!!!!

people,...
when i get pregnant, then i'll get pregnant.
what ever will be, will be.
everyone will see the changes in me when i carry the fetus, right!
so stop asking!!!!!

to get married is one thing.
and to get pregnant is another one thing.
it doesn't mean that i'm married then i'm automatically pregnant.

hello...
knock...knock...
didn't you guys learn chapter of human reproduction in high school? or you're just old enough to forget about them. huh????

retarded questions!!!!!
but, thank you for your attention anyway..
haha

-xoxo-
deedee

it's just too much

have you ever been in love?
so much deeply in love
desperately in love

that was the moment when....

you can't pass a single day without him/her besides you
you can't identify yourself without putting his/her name on it

you lost yourself in his/her charm
you lost your way when you're not holding his/her hand
you lost your mind when you stop thinking about him/her

you care so much about him/her
you care so much about being with him/her
you care so much about making him/her happy
you care so much about showing him/her how deep your love is

in his/her eyes
you see your faith
you see your future
you see the real you
you see your heaven's being created
you see your dreams come true all at once

yes i have

once i was desperately in love

then i realized that it was just too much

too much love
too much to care
too much to bear
too much to share

then...

i'm too afraid of falling
i'm too afraid of failing
i'm too afraid of hating
i'm too afraid of loosing
i'm too afraid of cracking
i'm too afraid of everything or nothing

so, i let it go

they say, i should just let it flow
but i let it go

once and for all
i've ever been in love
that much
and it was just too much

i only need this much

till death do us apart

"there's so much way to die

but you have to look for the way to live"


how would you like to die?

• suicide

Romeo and Juliet

• accident

Lady Di

• disaster

Aceh dwellers

• murder

John F. Kennedy

• OD

Heath Ledger

• illness

H.M. Soeharto

• old age

Mother Teressa

• disease

Judy Trunnell

How would you like to live your life?

still looking for the right way in every second left.........................
till death do us apart.

should it be paid cash?

when we buy something at the grocery
should it be paid cash?
yes.

when we shop a gown at the boutique
should it be paid cash?
yes.

when we buy a new car
should it be paid cash?
yes/no.

when we buy a new house
should it be paid cash?
yes/no.

when we become a shoulder to cry on
should it be paid cash?
no.

when we solve ones' problem
should it be paid cash?
no.

when we ache someone's heart
should it be paid cash?
yes/no.

when we ruin somebody's dream
should it be paid cash?
yes/no.

when we buy something
when we do something good
when we do something bad
should it be paid cash?
yes/no.

in between

"when your career goes up, you might have problem with your personal life.
when your personal life's flop, it might be a sign for your promotion.
when you reach the top position in the office, your personal life might totally blow out."

writing the lines above, reminds me of my situation which is in between.
compare to many other career women, i'm not the worse or even better.
i'm a working woman. i'm married but i don't have children yet.
my husband works overseas, we barely seen each other so often because of the job.
as the newlyweds, we still have lots of compromises. separation is no big deal, as long as we can do our best in our career. we think about the future. so, one or two years of separation by not living together is piece of cake comparing to the great reward that we're going to get after we promised to be partner for the rest of our lives.

but many spouses do not get the same opportunity of living in balance both career and personal life. so often they have to choose one of them. which finally become a harsh time and a very stressful situation in their life.

i'm writing this after the hard conversation that i had with my fellow teacher yesterday afternoon. she's a mother of two. she works 2 jobs, and she has a little time to spend with her little prince and princess. she needs to decide whether she would hold still her career or let it go and be a housewife.

not an easy task for her, since the job supports her family financially. leaving the job means loosing one "piggy bank". that would affect the children direct or indirectly. on the other hand, keeping the job will makes her lose precious moments of watching her children growing up. it will cut the amount of love, attention , and affection that should be given to the children. and that also will affect the children.

so, keeping the job or letting it go? how much wise, smart, and intelligent she should be to be able to decide her choice?

the question will remain an endless discussion, i think. and one day, i might find myself in her shoe. one thing for sure is that until that day to come, i still don't have the answer of what i'll pick :)

just in case, i have prepared the choices below to be taken as the answer:
a. keep the career and personal life in balance.
b. family first. career second.
c. career first. family second.
d. none of the above.

can you help me choose the answer when the time has come????????????????

is it given?

love
L.O.V.E

is it given?


if it is given
shouldn't it be a free choice for every living being
shouldn't it be the true human rights


if it is given
should be there any rules to control it
should be there any boundaries to limit it

if it is given
should we say it is right or wrong
should we judge it is good or bad

if it is given
then
it is given
we receive it
just the way it is
with open hand
open mind

if it is given
then
it is given
we accept it
just the way it is

all we need is
to see it
to feel it
to use it
as LOVE
only LOVE

ideal teacher

i'm writing this in the middle of a training program that i'm following as a teacher.
one of the materials presented is about how to be an ideal teacher.

to be a teacher is not a thing that i'm dreaming of but the thing that become my reality.
i never thought that to be a teacher can be this enjoyable, fun, honorable, yet hard, complicated, and nerve racking.

so often, i'm considering of changing my way of life, to have another job, to stop being a teacher.
because i believe that i should do much to transform myself into an ideal teacher. and i'm far far far away from being ideal.

because as far as i concern, an ideal teacher is someone who...

• up to date
• in common with his/her students
• the person on whom it is possible to count on, and sets a good example to students.
• in favour with students
• must have his/her subject, which teaches at his/her finger-ends
• rejoice an authority
• must be consistent in work, not to fall in esteem, and to be fit for teaching
• should be friends with his/her students, and be full of beans
• ought not to fuss over any reason
• ought to be patient and lenient, and very often keeps his/her head
• he/she should be on the job to teach, and not do odd jobs to earn for live
• and many more....
  

what a long and tough list :)
can i be an ideal teacher??

hopefully....

seandainya?

tentang seseorang yang dimatanya ku titipkan asa.
yang disenyumnya ku titipkan rindu.
yang kepadanya aku pernah jatuh cinta.

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seandainya...
ah.
andai saja

cinta itu bisa diungkapkan dan bukan sekedar dirasakan
mungkin aku akan lebih bahagia
meski aku sudah bahagia dengan hanya merasa nya
to love secretly
and to be secretly in love

seandainya..
ya.
andai saja

aku bisa bersamanya
lebih dekat merasakan debar jantung nya dan ku
menggamit lengannya dan melangkahi waktu
berbagi kisah tentang rasanya dan rasaku
menjalin mimpi nya dan ku menjadi mimpi kita mimpi kami

seandainya
dan
andai saja

aku bisa berkata
aku miliknya dan dia milikku
kami saling memiliki
jangan ganggu cukuplah memberi restu

seandainya
dia tersenyum karena ku
dia bahagia karena ku
rindu yang dia rasa hanya untuk ku
cinta yang dia punya hanya untuk ku

andai saja
aku membuatnya tahu tentang ku
tentang cinta ku
tentang yang ku inginkan
yang ku impikan
yang ku harapkan

mungkin aku tak perlu merasakan semuanya sendiri
sembunyi sembunyi

yang tak sempat terkatakan

kepadanya yang membuatku bahagia
aku ingin berkata
bahwa aku cinta
aku suka
aku bahagia

kepadanya yang membuatku kecewa
aku ingin berkata
bahwa aku terluka
aku marah
aku kecewa

kepadanya yang membuatku merasa
aku ingin berkata
aku sayang
aku benci
aku senang
aku sedih
aku riang
aku perih
aku merasa semua rasa yang bisa kurasakan

kepadanya aku ingin berkata
semua yang tak sempat terkatakan
tentang rasa ku, tentang asa ku, tentang masa ku
tentang ku dan nya
tentang semua yang tak sempat terkatakan